Dalam siaran berita terkini disalah satu TV swasta, ada memuatkan berita rompakan di sebuah kedai elektronik di ibu
Pemberita: Berapakah kerugian yang Tokey alami kerana rompakan ini?
Tokey: Aiyaa gua lasa aaaa.. kila-kila.. 3 juta libeeh, tapi waa masih untung wooo...
Pemberita: Macammana pulak tokey boleh kata masih beruntung....?
Tokey: Gua masih beruntung aaa.. kilana itu keculian terjadi ini hali, bukan semalam aa..
Pemberita: "Habis tu apa bezanya semalam atau hari ini ..Tokey???
Tokey: Aiyaa kilana ini hari semua wa punya balang.. wa sudah kasi liskaun 50% semalam talak liskaun.....
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Ada Untung Woo!!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Stupid Question
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo
...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo
...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
Only 3 Doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Learning English
Lepas mandi dan makan, dia tengok tv cerita Superman. Masa Superman nak terbang dia kata "Superman !!!" dia tanya bapa dia lagi, "'superman' tu bahasa inggeris jugak ke" dan bapa dia kata "yes". Dua perkataan dah, kata budak tu.
Lepas tengok tv, dia ke perpustakaan. Dia nampak ada sorang lelaki dan sorang pompuan sedang bertengkar berebut buku. Pompuan itu kata "Ladies first". Balik rumah dia tanya lagi dan bapa dia kata itupun bahasa inggeris. Ah, leganya kata budak itu. "aku dah dapat carik ke semua perkataan B.I tu!!
Hari Isnin dia ke sekolah, cikgu tanya dia tentang perkataan baru.
Cikgu: "OK boy, did you get the words?"
Budak: "Yes, teacher".
Cikgu: "Good, what is your first word?"
Budak:"Shut up you!!"
Cikgu: "What did you say? Are you mad? Who do you think you are?
Budak: "Superman !!!"
Cikgu: "Bloody fool! Get out from this class!"
Budak: "Ladies First!!"
Abangku Selalu Buat!
Pada suatu hari, adalah dua orang rakan karib menaiki kereta. Kereta itu dipandu dengan lajunya... Setibanya di satu Traffic Light, kelihatan lampu traffic light berwarna Merah. Si pemandu tadi dengan selambanya memecut tanpa menghiraukan lampu merah tadi. Kawan kat sebelah dia cemas gila lalu bertanya."Hei mat kau tak nampak ke lampu Merah tadi?!!" Mamat menjawab "Jangan takut abang aku selalu buat".
Selang beberapa kilometer keta ini tiba di satu traffic light, lagi lampu traffic light itu Merah. Tanpa segan silu mamat memecut laju. Kali nie member Mamat tadi lagi bertambah cemas gila-gila-gila lalu memarahi si Mamat tadi. "Lagi sekali kau buat macam tu aku nak turun tak kira!!!!" mamat dengan selambanya menjawab "Jangan takut abang aku selalu buat". Selang beberapa kilometer, kereta ni sekali lagi tiba di satu traffic light. Secara mengejut mamat memberhentikan keretanya dengan diikuti kokokkan tayar "SKREET......".
Member mamat nie terus berkata, "Hei! mamat, kau dah gila ke? kan lampu traffic light tu Hijau" nak tau apa yang si mamat nie jawab............ "aku takut abang aku akan lalu jalan yang satu lagi..."
3B
Seorang pemuda datang berjumpa seorang Ustaz untuk meminta nasihat..
Pemuda : "Ustaz.. kenapa susah sangat saya hendak bertemu jodoh saya? Sampai sekarang saya belum pernah ada kekasih..."
Ustaz : "Perempuan yang macammana menjadi idaman kamu?"
Pemuda : "Saya mahukan seorang gadis yang putih, cantik, tinggi, pintar, penyayang dan menyintai saya sepenuh hati..."
Ustaz : "Ohhh ... kalau begitu kamu harus melaksanakan petua 3B. B yang pertama adalah BERUSAHA... apakah kamu sudah banyak berusaha?"
Pemuda : "Susah terlalu banyak Ustaz... sudah merata tempat saya pergi untuk mendapat seorang gadis.."
Ustaz : "Kalau begitu kamu kena laksanakan B yang kedua, iaitu BERDOA dan juga BERPUASA
Pemuda : "Sudah setiap kali saya berdoa selepas selesai sembahyang... saya juga akan berpuasa setiap hari isnin dan Khamis ...."
Ustaz : "Nampaknya kamu sangat perlu melaksanakan "B" yg ketiga."
Pemuda : "Apa itu Ustaz! ?"
Ustaz : "BERCERMIN!"
Pemuda : "Ustaz.. kenapa susah sangat saya hendak bertemu jodoh saya? Sampai sekarang saya belum pernah ada kekasih..."
Ustaz : "Perempuan yang macammana menjadi idaman kamu?"
Pemuda : "Saya mahukan seorang gadis yang putih, cantik, tinggi, pintar, penyayang dan menyintai saya sepenuh hati..."
Ustaz : "Ohhh ... kalau begitu kamu harus melaksanakan petua 3B. B yang pertama adalah BERUSAHA... apakah kamu sudah banyak berusaha?"
Pemuda : "Susah terlalu banyak Ustaz... sudah merata tempat saya pergi untuk mendapat seorang gadis.."
Ustaz : "Kalau begitu kamu kena laksanakan B yang kedua, iaitu BERDOA dan juga BERPUASA
Pemuda : "Sudah setiap kali saya berdoa selepas selesai sembahyang... saya juga akan berpuasa setiap hari isnin dan Khamis ...."
Ustaz : "Nampaknya kamu sangat perlu melaksanakan "B" yg ketiga."
Pemuda : "Apa itu Ustaz! ?"
Ustaz : "BERCERMIN!"
